2008_*

yes i'm finally back to blogging. i've finally quit wow and abandoned my rogue. it's all back to reality.

these few weeks hasnt been going well. orientation was fun and everything but i guess i was more bothered about something else. it's still bothering me but at least there's catching up to focus on. i hate the feeling of having nothing to do, nothing to focus on or distract you. i'd rather tire myself out, return home for rest and start the day again. just being like any normal human being, i'm running away from my troubles, running away from thoughts that make me cry. 

i realise i have alot of friends, loads of them but none close. i'm so troubled but i dont have anyone to tell it to in school. i don't have anyone to go recess with, to play with or to just hang around and talk. my class is full of guys and they just stick together. the other girls just run along with their other friends and im just left alone. i have to accept this i guess.

i need some close friends to pour my heart out to. it's terrible cramming everything to this fragile heart. it'll break from the inside out.

if i cant find any, i guess i can adapt to just solo my troubles. maybe i'll revert back to my old self where i dont talk to anyone and just stay quiet. i cant really believe i used to be an introvert (a little). 

it's so troubling, mind-boggling and heart wrenching and all i can do is just type it out here in an attempt to "talk to my close friend". i don't think anyone knows how im feeling or what im thinking now. i don't think anyone would know. 

i'm trying my best to make somebody happy but i doubt i ever will be able to. i can't even make myself happy. i can't control my emotions. there are many things i cant say, many things i keep to myself in hope for the better. but no one will ever know what is it exactly that will be for the better. it's just up to me to decide, or you. i don't want to frustrate you any further, i dont want to complicate things. whatever it takes.

a levels should be my priority. i'll have to stick to finishing my tutorials from now on. 2 As and 2 Bs is fine for me but im hoping for straight A. maybe i'll turn into a mugger geek. i'll be the first to arrive for lectures and i'll be a good girl to finish all my tutorials. i can be happy that i finished all my work and know what im suppose to know. i'll go read newspaper everyday and everything. (i only said maybe)

i have much feelings to spill but i guess it's better if i kept it to myself. some things are better off left unsaid. 

it's all just too familiar. it's not important anymore.  

Call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let my be your shelter my friend