idgaf_*

i wished i never existed.

nothing's going well for me. everything just sucks now. i'm broken to grains and there isnt anyone i can talk to. no one to comfort me and no one to give a shit about me. no one really knows anything. goes to show how many real friends i have.

i just fake a smile where ever i go, i appear happy and alright but i guess no one really knows how much im suffering now. i wouldnt mind getting knocked by a car. the physical pain is incomparable.

i guess im all alone on this torturous journey. doesn't matter. i'll adapt and force my way through to the end.

looking through my msn names, i dont think there's anyone online that's close enough to talk to. or those i tried are busy.

this is the time when im missing all the days back at mg and all my close group of friends. if any of us had any problems we'd share it and laugh/cry over it. feels so much better to know someone cares for you. i miss having someone to talk to, to cry with, to laugh uncontrollably with, to accept my random bursts of energy and my extreme manly mannerisms. whatever, i can do this alone.

i'm just going to indulge in apathy and not give a damn about anything else. if im hurting, let me hurt. idgaf anymore.

i don't look forward to going to school anymore, i don't look forward to PE, lectures and tutorials. everything's a pain and a drag. im probably better off dead. now if i actually just enough guts to run across PIE blindfolded.

[edit]

just got a "talk" from my parents. whatever man. WHATEVER @$V14l2vl3krl2vj34rvj23kl4jrv2k3jr2kcv43 klrjk4jck3jcr23r,v#@rb 23trk 2k3btrj4kwj trklwj34vr E. dskdk2j3423$@#V$23lk23krl23kr#@ r23rk23r 23 rk23rm k23r2l 3kr 32l3krl23kr l23r23l rk2l3 kr32l rk2l3 ;rk I DONT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE

I CANT GO THEN FORGET IT. FORGET IT. FORGET ABOUT NYAA. TEAR THE DAMN PAPER AWAY

IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO BE SKINNY. IT'S NOT LIKE I DONT TRY TO EAT RICE DAMMIT.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO BE WEAK AND UNHAPPY.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT THE STRESS TO GET A HOLD OF ME.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS UNHAPPY LAST YEAR. I WAS MOSTLY HAPPY. IF YOU COUNTED LAST YEAR AS UNHAPPY I DONT KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THIS YEAR.

AND NOW THE ONE THAT GOT ME THROUGH LAST YEAR IS GONE. MY MAIN SOURCE OF JOY IS GONE.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

NO MORE NIGHT CALLS. NO MORE LATE NIGHTS OUT. NO MORE "STRETCHING" OF MYSELF. NO MORE GOING OUT. NO ONE TO STEAL FIRST PRIORITY. NO MORE HANGING OUT AFTER CHURCH. NO ONE TO MAKE MY LIFE EASIER. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW. ARE YOU HAPPY THAT IM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE.

IF I HAVE TOO MANY THINGS FINE, I DROPPED ONE ALREADY. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW. I SHOULD STOP GOING TO CHURCH TOO. I SHOULD STOP GOING TO SCHOOL TOO AND WHAT, I SHOULD STOP LIVING TOO.

IF LOSING THE ONE THING I TREASURE MOST ISNT GOOD ENOUGH THEN DO YOU WANT MY LIFE TO. I'D GLADLY GIVE IT TOO.

@#v4k23kvr23VR32 lrj43ktjb k43 jt3kl4jt34T#$t5k rj34vkjr3kl4vj'2j34krj23kj4r23 !!!!!!!!!!! !11111111111111111111111

my life is going nowhere.

[/edit]

__________________________________________

My name is Misty I am but three,
My eyes are swollen I cannot see,
I must be stupid I must be bad,
What else could have made made my daddy so mad?
I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up all the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark my folks arent home
When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound! I just heard a car
My daddy is back from Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse my name he calls
I press myself against the wall

I try and hide from his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping he shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault that he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me and yells at me more,
I finally get free And I run for the door.
He's already locked it and I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues with more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream but its now much too late
His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate

The hurt and the pain again and again
Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops and heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless sprawled on the floor

My name is Misty and I am but three,
Tonight my daddy Murdered me.